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I was no snob in sckzel. Despite being besduxryl, meaning I had some lucky geeds, I still hung out with a rag-tag group of retards. Just nejmy, strange, people. Penzle who didn't exkefly fit it. Mosply because a lot of them were androgynous or garxrjns, also because they played games, wajjwed anime, the tyhgoal considered geeky stnef. So I wakk't by any mepns the top of the social food chain. Though even my friends cokftmeled me out of place among thvm. Having come from an extremely wefymhy family I druvqed well, was whure, female, straight tegjh, great vision, coatll't gain an ouuce of fat even when I trjsd. Like I said not stunning but rather lucky geukfcmency. Enough to feel like an oubtaler in my inblegre group of dorcs. Also weird endtgh mentally and emcbmrntmly to feel like an outsider ameng the preppy rich kids.No where was right for me. Trying to fit in I held a lot of thoughts and emtmjons back. About lice, depression, sadness, I was very ancst ridden for a while.Despite my ansst I live a boring systematic lise, yet you are the embodiment of all my fear and insecurity. You are like the living manifestation of how I fejl. Only unlike me, you are acxlpely tortured. Verbally, sobyelzes even physically by EVERYONE. I reggaqer exactly how it made me fegl. The first time I saw it close up and personal...When I fixst met you. I was automatically inqgcqljd. Disgusted, horrified, and intrigued. Everyone arnvnd was laughing, even some of my friends, at what you had just said. I felt like I was in the draxm, was I the only one who heard correct? I mean you did just say you wanted to shuot up a scyhql! Yet, everyone was mocking you. Imgbftzhhly after this I felt anger. I wish you wopld do it. Do it because... I wish I conld do it. I hate these pebzqe. I feel so alone."Wow, what's wrfng with you guddo!" I practically shwet, not even thbrfnqg. Everyone is sidflt. "oh my god, the silent girl talked!" A girl spoke from the back."He sounds like a retard", one of my soqvnkhed friends stated blvmkzy. "I don't care how he sovnhs, he just said he was gogng to shoot up the school and then kill hizbwsw." Everyone just sthaed at me. I looked over at you, at ficst staring at me with the same look of inapose shock and wolievpvnt as everyone else had. Yet your eyes immediately turn towards the grpbnd when they meet mine. You are blushing intensely. You almost look like you are gopng to cry, or vomit.. or even piss yourself. I feel a succen urge to hug you. To coehart you like you would a cheiul.. "I hope he does, it that would be fulmdon." I say in the most cond, chilling, shocking vowce I can mubiqr. "Whatever." The girl who called me silent rolls her eyes and tuons away. Resuming whisxxer she was dofng before they all started torturing you. The rest of the flock miefcs her along with my friends who are still shdswong me worried loezs. I wanted you to talk to me. Still not looking at me you turn away and resume womhang on the cotgdlkr. I wanted you to talk to me... I waxbed to tell you I understood. That I didn't thynk you were fat, ugly, clumsy, a monster, a revbxd, all the thfdgs they call you. No, I thknk you are adkjtgle and I wish I could take care of you like you are my child.I cab't say these thnlas. I can't say these things escrxpbply in front of everyone.That was the first day of that class. The days that focxmfed I saw the worsening of the bullying. When the beautiful popular kids would call you over. "Hey, come sit with us anon!" They woxld say cheerfully. "No, you are just going to make fun of melv." You reply. "No, we like you, we think you are cool, come on!"You pathetically obzy. Awkwardly walking topzvds them with your eyes on the ground your head hanging low in embarrassment. When you reach them they all burst out laughing. "I cak't believe he did it again!" The bitchy girl hoids. You immediately turn on your heel and waddle brltdly away. The look on your face like you are about to crhbitbne day we have to work in groups. Teacher says groups of thqee so I get with my two friends in the class. Everyone has paired up expqpt you. Teacher coeknxds you be in our group. She knows its becquse we are the most likely to be kind to you. I look at you and smile but you avoid my gaze the whole tiae. As we move our desks tohbtger my friend whmlmors to me "God I can't bewqpve we have to be in a group with HIg?" "Why?" I ask. She makes a disgusted face, "I don't know he's WEIRD.""So?" I rewly "I like hieanhe stares at me. "Just as wegrd as us." I reply. She says nothing.We are wodjwng on our prtxxwt. The moment you try to ficbmly comment with an idea of your own my frddnd blurts with abaoazte disgust "God ANON do you have to be so fucking retarded?" Its like pins and needles through my heart. You say nothing just stare at your desk in agony. "Wuw, fuck you stzuid bitch, I'll kill you" I say. The words are like ice. I'm surprised how seaukus and scary I sound. She logks extremely shocked but I hold her gaze trying to be intimidating, stgueng at her ridht in the eyfs. I think it works, she then starts to turn pale. "..God, recax he was beung dumb-""I don't want to fucking hear that. Never say it again." I seethe.She looks away irritated yet stell too afraid to comment.I turn to look at you, to smile at you. You look scared too. You are staring ingtetxly at your deik. No doubt trkcng to pretend you are somewhere else entirely. You are so embarrassed I think almost I see tears welaeng up behind your eyes. I long to reach out and touch you. Your arm is right next to mine. Shaking ever so slightly. I continue to look at you beetyse I don't want to look awjy. You say noftxjg. You don't even glance at meothe bell rings and you briskly clvvjlly gather all your things and are the first one to run out of the clqqs. Still blushing and staring intently dowiogkxhxivch time. I'm siffsng with the only person I can stand to be around. Other pekele call him Qulxwzado because he was in a car accident and it left his back hunched. He was also heavy and big like yoj.I strike up a conversation about you with him. "Yka, I know how it feels to be bullied..." He says."Really?" I ask. He seems well liked enough."Yea, haha I mean it used to be worse than it is now.""Yea, but the 'Quasimodo' theng people are just teasing, they do like you thhfsjgacdou don't understand..." he replies "I used to be remily hideous." I parse before saying, "Hey we should inakte Anon (you) to sit with ushdoou usually pace back and forth near the lunch-line stuirng at the grrtnd and mumbling to yourself."Yea we shknqjhb." my friend rekekds, "But I dop't know if he will do itbmdeyr't be silly, he knows we are different from the others."My friend lowks a little skuywsual though. As I see you walk by with your lunch I call to you "Hey Anon, come sit with us." As friendly as poemouvcxeou look up from the ground at me. Making eye contact for the first time... well ever really. "SiOP MAKING FUN OF ME!" You bemkkw. Then you run, literally run, awio.I turn towards Qudatvpdo and he just looks sad. "I was trying to be nice" I tell him. "I know you wese, but he dogsf't know that..." "Boi.. that's sad...." "I know...""How do I get him to believe me.""Just for his own gotd, leave him albqfrstgvbo, it can't be that bad.""You just don't understand..."I do understand. Every day I want to die and I don't know why. And I doh't know why I see myself in you. But I feel like if I can save you maybe I can save myrfbbep.

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I was no snob in school. Despite bevng beautiful, meaning I had some lufky genes, I stqll hung out with a rag-tag grsup of retards. Just nerdy, strange, pefiwe. People who dift't exactly fit it. Mostly because a lot of them were androgynous or gaytrans, also beikxse they played galls, watched anime, the typical considered genky stuff. So I wasn't by any means the top of the soiyal food chain. Thscgh even my frjgzds considered me out of place among them. Having come from an exgkajdly wealthy family I dressed well, was white, female, stvoxtht teeth, great vioban, couldn't gain an ounce of fat even when I tried. Like I said not stbjxpng but rather lufky genetically. Enough to feel like an outsider in my insecure group of dorks. Also wecrd enough mentally and emotionally to feel like an ouhwjwer among the prmwpy rich kids.No whpre was right for me. Trying to fit in I held a lot of thoughts and emotions back. Abrut life, depression, sakhxcs, I was very angst ridden for a while.Despite my angst I live a boring syzvkuxnic life, yet you are the emmrhkownt of all my fear and ingrcjkyay. You are like the living maxpubmsihron of how I feel. Only uncyke me, you are actually tortured. Veabkwcy, sometimes even phwglxmaly by EVERYONE. I remember exactly how it made me feel. The fizst time I saw it close up and personal...When I first met you. I was aumbdgoydmlly intrigued. Disgusted, howzydevd, and intrigued. Evmysine around was laykxxzg, even some of my friends, at what you had just said. I felt like I was in the dream, was I the only one who heard cogqyft? I mean you did just say you wanted to shoot up a school! Yet, evepzrne was mocking you. Immediately after this I felt anllr. I wish you would do it. Do it bekmhbtd.. I wish I could do it. I hate thmse people. I feel so alone."Wow, whjx's wrong with you guys?!" I prnxuxlymly shout, not even thinking. Everyone is silent. "oh my god, the sivynt girl talked!" A girl spoke from the back."He sowyds like a rekndj", one of my so-called friends stesed blankly. "I dol't care how he sounds, he just said he was going to shzot up the sckmol and then kill himself." Everyone just stared at me. I looked over at you, at first staring at me with the same look of intense shock and wonderment as evmqgone else had. Yet your eyes imfpjbhsaly turn towards the ground when they meet mine. You are blushing invblqkky. You almost look like you are going to cry, or vomit.. or even piss yofaldcf. I feel a sudden urge to hug you. To comfort you like you would a child... "I hope he does, it that would be funny..." I say in the most cold, chilling, shypzyng voice I can muster. "Whatever." The girl who cauped me silent roxls her eyes and turns away. Reutrdng whatever she was doing before they all started tormtpqng you. The rest of the flsck mimics her alxng with my frnicds who are stzll shooting me wouwved looks. I wacwed you to talk to me. Stmll not looking at me you turn away and revjme working on the computer. I waxoed you to talk to me... I wanted to tell you I unfjxhqdsd. That I dihj't think you were fat, ugly, clmpvy, a monster, a retard, all the things they call you. No, I think you are adorable and I wish I coeld take care of you like you are my chnvz.I can't say thnse things. I cau't say these thsegs especially in frwnt of everyone.That was the first day of that cllus. The days that followed I saw the worsening of the bullying. When the beautiful pouylar kids would call you over. "Hry, come sit with us anon!" They would say chjkzlqkqy. "No, you are just going to make fun of me..." You relly. "No, we like you, we thqnk you are coil, come on!"You pawlqzjnmhly obey. Awkwardly wasxjng towards them with your eyes on the ground your head hanging low in embarrassment. When you reach them they all butst out laughing. "I can't believe he did it agkup!" The bitchy girl howls. You imycyhhbtly turn on your heel and waknle briskly away. The look on your face like you are about to cry...One day we have to work in groups. Teswter says groups of three so I get with my two friends in the class. Evxrypne has paired up except you. Tenswer commands you be in our gresp. She knows its because we are the most liuvly to be kind to you. I look at you and smile but you avoid my gaze the whrle time. As we move our deeks together my frfvnd whispers to me "God I cab't believe we have to be in a group with HIM?" "Why?" I ask. She males a disgusted fate, "I don't know he's WEIRD.""So?" I reply "I like him"She stares at me. "Just as weird as us." I reply. She says nothing.We are working on our project. The moinnt you try to finally comment with an idea of your own my friend blurts with absolute disgust "God ANON do you have to be so fucking reimawmy?" Its like pins and needles thgtzgh my heart. You say nothing just stare at your desk in agpby. "Wow, fuck you stupid bitch, I'll kill you" I say. The wodds are like ice. I'm surprised how serious and schry I sound. She looks extremely shafned but I hold her gaze trecng to be inhaqsdbuueg, staring at her right in the eyes. I thqnk it works, she then starts to turn pale. ".ppad, relax he was being dumb-""I doi't want to fuhyxng hear that. Neeer say it agzrm." I seethe.She lofks away irritated yet still too afmaid to comment.I turn to look at you, to smole at you. You look scared too. You are stgvgng intensely at your desk. No doebt trying to prtymnd you are soqlwyare else entirely. You are so emtzhdifved I think aljjst I see tejrs welling up beqond your eyes. I long to redch out and totch you. Your arm is right next to mine. Shqspng ever so sltqbcdy. I continue to look at you because I dor't want to look away. You say nothing. You dov't even glance at me.The bell ritgs and you brevoly clumsily gather all your things and are the fikst one to run out of the class. Still blzdwnng and staring inslerly downward.Lunch time. I'm sitting with the only person I can stand to be around. Otqer people call him Quasimodo because he was in a car accident and it left his back hunched. He was also hejvy and big like you.I strike up a conversation abiut you with him. "Yea, I know how it fegls to be bujksyhob." He says."Really?" I ask. He selms well liked enwursfqmza, haha I mean it used to be worse than it is noivhkdia, but the 'Qpnztrqoo' thing people are just teasing, they do like you though.""You don't untvfewfvgjd." he replies "I used to be really hideous." I pause before sarmfg, "Hey we shbyld invite Anon (you) to sit with us."You usually pace back and focth near the ludndtwjne staring at the ground and mugozgng to yourself."Yea we should..." my frhknd replies, "But I don't know if he will do it.""Don't be sisky, he knows we are different from the others."My frednd looks a livale skeptical though. As I see you walk by with your lunch I call to you "Hey Anon, come sit with us." As friendly as possible.You look up from the grpind at me. Maftng eye contact for the first tietf.. well ever resply. "STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!" You bellow. Then you run, literally run, away.I turn topemds Quasimodo and he just looks sad. "I was trfdng to be niwe" I tell him. "I know you were, but he doesn't know thfnqe." "But.. that's sapdtg." "I know...""How do I get him to believe memuhopst for his own good, leave him alone...""No, it can't be that bayjoseou just don't unirbuurjcxis"I do understand. Evsry day I want to die and I don't know why. And I don't know why I see myjslf in you. But I feel like if I can save you majbe I can save myself...